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I Am Not a Salesman

I got into Circa Survive the fall after On Letting Go came out in 2007. I was driving home from my accounting job when the final line of “Living Together” hit me. As Anthony Green hypnotically repeated ”Would you trade your soul for gold?”, I wondered what I was doing with my life. I had been out of college just over a year and felt that I had totally lost my sense of self.

It’s four years later and things aren’t any better. Recently I took what I thought would be an unconventional advertising sales position. It was against my better judgement, but in my mind I had made myself believe I was providing a service to the community. That I wouldn’t have to sell, but simply facilitate people doing something they already wanted to do.

I like to think that I have enough will-power to commit to seeing things through. I feel like my problems aren’t all that bad and I might as well get on with it without complaining. But after eight days, I had had enough. The job was turning me into a person I hate. So I quit. I quit without having another job lined-up or any inkling of what I was going to do next.

It was a difficult decision to make. I was miserable both at work and on my free-time, but I didn’t want to be a failure. After being laid-off for two years I felt fortunate to have a job, but I didn’t want to effectively sell-off my personality and ideals.

In life-decisions I’ve always been logical. I have a degree in Business because I thought I’d be able to find a job after graduating, but there was never any desire behind it. Given my disposition, I fully expected to be stuck in a cubicle doing something I hate for the rest of my life. But now I feel like I have broken this cycle.

Now I have hope. I’m taking steps to make a drastic shift towards something I want to do. My rational-self is scared of the financial strain I’m putting on my family, and, as much as I’m fighting it, I’m worried about what people think of me- doubting my ability to provide. But what they don’t think of is my ability to provide happiness.

Sometimes you have to step out in faith.


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About The Alternative Gentleman

The Alternative Gentleman - a guide to going-up in The Scene.

2 Responses »

  1. There is way too much emphasis on happiness everywhere. Happiness comes from within. No one gives you happiness and you cannot give anyone happiness. From the looks of things, you can have everything in the world and be unhappy. From the looks of things, you can have nothing and be the happiest person people will ever know. Search within and decide that you will be happy. Think yourself happy. It is a conscious effort. Get up each day and say “thank you”. Go to bed at night and think about the events of the day that you were thankful to experience and say “thank you.” Too many people are miserable thinking that they can make another person happy or that another person can make them happy. It just isn’t so.


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